“Green Flags” & Signs of a Healthy Relationship

You might have heard from a parent, friend, or your resident Instagram influencer about warning signs to look out for in relationships and friendships. “Red flags” have become a bit of a buzzword, and you can probably rattle off a few based on your own experiences. As I talk with clients about what brings them to therapy, often what comes up is their history with abusive relationships and the red flags they can now identify. 

Unfortunately, many of us are accustomed to relationships being a major source of stress, which can translate to even physically causing harm. Whether it’s being alert to those who don’t make time for you, those who neglect to return your text within the same day, week or month, or those who use manipulation to keep you away from your friends or family, we know there is a market for understanding how to keep ourselves safe. The good news though—what exists on the other side of relationship recovery is relationship empowerment!

When working with young adult clients in individual therapy, relationships are often a primary source of suffering, especially if clients have endured abusive or unfulfilling connections. I often hear “I just want to be happy” or a desire to “feel loved” without truly knowing what that feels like. What we often miss in the conversation about building meaningful relationships is how to know whether relationships are providing for us, nurturing us, and making us feel good (without needing to question why).

In today’s blog, we will explore positive signs, or “green flags” in relationships that affirm you are in good company.

Healthy Relationships = Better Together

The acronym “TOGETHER” is used here to organize what we at Haven Family Therapy recognize as green flags, so you have a proper path to follow as you invest your time in friendships and relationships alike. I hope that this quick reference guide will help you notice and celebrate these qualities in others while also cultivating them in yourself so that you can be fully present for the significant people in your life.

T: Trustworthiness. Your friend or partner can be trusted. Okay, but how do I know this? Trust is measured by both words and actions – words are "I am here to listen," "Your feelings are important," and "We will get through this together." While actions are things like reflective listening, showing up when they say they will, or consistency in other ways.

O: Open communication. Your friend or partner is receptive to a discussion, disagreement, or feedback. Even more so, they encourage communication on topics or feelings that are important to you! They recognize that you are two different people who may clash sometimes, and that’s okay.

G: Growth-minded. Your friend or partner encourages, supports, and celebrates your growth. This may look like anything from a fire emoji on your Facebook job status update, calling you after that important meeting to see how it went, or challenging you to stay accountable to your goals.

E: Empathizes & empowers. Your friend or partner is understanding of your perspective and empowers you to share it. Empathy is empowerment because when we can empathize with another person, and we’ve felt what it’s like to receive empathy, it blossoms into a new level of compassion that we can internalize into self-compassion. When we feel understood, we thrive.

T: Transparency. Your friend or partner doesn’t leave you guessing how they feel, what they are thinking, or questioning their intentions. Those who value transparency simultaneously value vulnerability and communication, which can heal our need to hide or disguise difficult emotions or events.

H: Honoring boundaries. Your friend or partner is accepting of your limits. Sometimes you just need a breather, which might take the form of last-minute canceling a Sunday brunch so you can cuddle with your dog or not calling them back when you’re feeling overwhelmed by mental health challenges. Honoring boundaries means that they do not personalize it when you say “no.” Instead, they let you know they are thinking about you in the meantime or even send you a picture of their dog for comfort. 

E: Expresses vulnerability. Your friend or partner shares their own process. This quality is built on the ideas of transparency and open communication, as vulnerability can normalize the struggle that we all face. In a time where highlight reels are prominent, a good friend or partner stays grounded in the reality that life is tough sometimes.

R: Respect. Above all, your friend or partner respects all of you. The culmination of all the above qualities ends in respect, which is the notion that your friend/partner knows that you both are worth honoring, worth knowing, and worth loving through healthy relationship practices. Respect doesn’t take connection for granted and handles relationships with care.

For more information on cultivating healthy relationships and learning what that looks like with partners, parents and friends, visit the teen therapy page on our website at https://www.havenfamilytherapy.com/teen-therapy-and-family-therapy