Therapy For Men: Why A Woman's Perspective Will Do You Good
You’ve decided it’s time.
Whether the relationships in your life are making you feel uneasy or dissatisfied, you know something has to change for you to feel alive again. You have been going through the motions, making excuses for your partner’s lack of care and justifying your absence in the commitment.
You want to start therapy and work on overcoming challenges you have been dealing with and take better care of your emotional health. No matter the degree of your readiness, you may still feel nervous about seeking out support, especially if you are not used to discussing your struggles with another person.
Reasons Why Men Avoid Therapy
Both men and women experience stereotypes around showing emotion and reaching out for support. However, the belief that asking for help makes you weak is more common among men and is more often associated with feelings of shame. This trait makes many men less willing to go to therapy. It also tends to have an unfortunate consequence that we all know well—avoidance tends to prolong the inevitable and often makes our problems worse.
You might also have bought into society’s unspoken rules that men can and should fix their own problems, since that’s what being a man is, right? Since birth, the traits you’ve learned to value most are being strong, a natural leader, and a problem solver—and why dwell on the past? The idea to “keep moving” and “time heals all” can make you avoid the problem and not actually have a clear understanding of it, which prevents you from truly coping with the problem.
As a man, you are also socialized to “fix” the problem and be tough, even when it comes to feeling pain—physical and otherwise. As a result, you struggle in isolation and manage difficult emotions or stress through overworking, abusing substances, internalizing, expressing anger through physical outlets, or through risk-taking behaviors.
The Benefits Of A Woman’s Perspective In Therapy
Female practitioners dominate the therapy field, so it is likely that many men seeking therapy will end up with a female therapist.
Beyond the reality of available providers, I believe that there are many reasons why men should choose to work with a female therapist.
A woman therapist can...
1. help translate the emotional language of your partner or kids.
Concerns in your life that may resonate with you enough to consider therapy typically have something to do with your relationships. Does this sound familiar? Your partner seems to want more from you: more talking, more time together, more insight into what you’re thinking, more time with the kids. But you don’t know how to give her what she’s asking for. The kids feel distant and are not responding to your parenting style, and at this point, time spent with them is just a reminder of the ways you feel inadequate.
Working with a female therapist can help break down the barriers that you feel and can help translate what they’re asking for into a language that you understand. It can help you discover the communication traps that you each are falling into and help you feel empowered to know what you could be doing differently.
2. provide a safe space for vulnerability.
As you pursue a fulfilling relationship with your partner, you may come to realize that the only way to do so is by setting aside your ego and leaning into your vulnerability. A woman therapist tends to have a warm, friendly, and non-judgemental disposition where men can feel safe to share what’s really going on, even when that subject feels taboo. Sharing with your female therapist about your affair last year, or about the ways that you fear you may not be measuring up as a man is an important step as you decide what needs to change.
3. eliminate the competitive edge.
Often one of the most challenging relationships to grow this sense of trust is with another man. While this may be the end goal, working with a woman therapist may help you to shed that outer armor and those ideas about what it means to “be a man” much sooner than working within a relationship where you feel the need to perform. With a woman therapist, men are more easily able to put aside that “posturing” to create a space where they don't need to worry about comparing themselves and are able to do a deeper dive into self-discovery.
4. offer a more "disarming" approach.
Women tend to be more flexible with exploring many different thought angles and are thoughtful about how they deliver important insights (instead of beating you over the head with it unnecessarily). While still being direct, the increased caution and tact from your therapist can go a long way to help decrease defensiveness.
With a woman therapist, you won’t feel judged and will find it easier to open up about why you’ve decided to start therapy.
5. help you discover that the relationship you want to change is the one with yourself.
Regardless of how many men find their way into therapy, what they often discover is a disconnection with their core sense of self. They have, for many years, shouldered the expectations of the women in their lives, or what society expects of them and have tuned out the voice of truth within them.
Whether you want to remain in the relationship, or need the strength to let it go, working with a female therapist can help you go deeper into your inventory of self and can help you make the choice that’s ultimately right for you and the person you want to be.
You Have The Power To Change The Course Of Your Life!
Seeking therapy is a way to take care of your mental health and overall wellness. It can be hard to ask for help and reach out on your own behalf, even when you are struggling with issues that are common among everyone.
Yet, when we think about it, asking for advice or help in other areas of life are very normalized- athletes enlist the help of trained coaches, business owners and executives hire consultants, lawyers are hired for their expertise in legal advice, and so on.
When it comes to your health and wellness, taking care of your emotional wellbeing can make a difference in your personal life as well as in your relationships with loved ones. Enlisting the help of a qualified female therapist and investing in your mental health can help you to become the man you truly desire to be.
Reach out to me today to learn more about how I can work with you as you face the challenges in your life.
