The Stigma Around Men Going To Therapy

As a man, there are many pressures and demands that seem inescapable: “Be strong, be tough, don’t show weakness, take care of the family, be her shoulder to cry on, be their solid rock.” These internal (and sometimes external) voices go on and on. While not always conscious, these internal narratives become the unofficial guidebook to how to earn respect in this world as a man, and from other men. 

As they mature, many men do learn that it’s okay to talk about their feelings and that it’s okay to be vulnerable, but they’re incredibly protective of that side of themselves. Not just anyone gets to see behind their projection of authority and masculinity. 

Therapists are trained listeners and use their skillset to make it a safe therapeutic space for men when they do venture into the therapy office. So why aren’t more men taking charge of their mental health and taking advantage of therapists? Why is there a stigma about men going to therapy?

Men’s Mental Health

Mental health has been a complex conversation for centuries, and some of its early roots localized it as a women-focused or racial minority issue. However, many experts consider the cultural context surrounding men’s mental health as yet another “silent killer” as we add up the costs of men not receiving the help they need. 

Suffering in Silence

Each year, about six million men in the United States alone will suffer from clinical depression. Those men who live with suicidal ideation, whether related to depression or not, die by suicide four times as often as women. Suicide is the 7th leading cause of death among male deaths since 2011. Men are also more inclined to live with issues of substance or drug use, as well as die by alcohol-related causes. The five major mental health issues that impact men are 1) depression, 2) anxiety, 3) bipolar disorder, 4) psychosis and schizophrenia, and 5) eating disorders. However,  in a survey on mental health problems, only about 28% of men disclosed that they had some professional help, and only about 25% of men had told a loved one within a month of their problem arising. 

With all of these known numbers and occurrences, you might ask, “Why isn’t this being talked about? Why are men with mental health struggles being overlooked?” The answer is, we’ve been conditioned not to look. 

Welcoming Men into the Healing Space

While we have seen an uprising wave of mental health support and gender equity, it remains so very easy for us to default to our known ways of functioning and being with one another. Men struggle to seek therapy for their own healing because society reinforces the idea that they must be “okay”, and they create that false reality to follow suit. 

Welcoming men into the healing circle may look like…

• Encouraging emotional conversation

• Complimenting them on their self-awareness

• Asking questions about how they are doing

• Emphasizing rest

• Validating their experiences

When we do this, and when men value their mental health enough to pursue therapy, they will benefit individually, as well as in their romantic connections, career, family relationships, and overall life satisfaction. 

Men who prioritize their mental health are more likely to experience:

1. Better communication. Men who take the time to consider their partner and the way their words come across are able to help their relationships flourish even in times of disagreement.

2. More authentic relationships. Men who are relieved of the burden of having to be strong for their partners or kids are more able to feel the depth of their emotions without turning to work, substances, or other distractions to cope. 

3. Enhanced self-esteem. Men who take the time to talk about themselves and receive feedback from someone outside their family can develop a more realistic view of their challenges and growth areas, and save themselves from shouldering the burden of unhealthy expectations.

4. Healthier thought processes. Working with a therapist can help men challenge their unhelpful thoughts, experience acceptance of their situation, and cultivate a less judgemental relationship with their inner critic.

5. More confidence in themselves and in the workplace. By developing better communication and becoming more accessible to your coworkers and employees, and gaining more control over your internal narrative, you will have more clarity and more easily climb the ladder of career success. 

6. Balanced living. As your emotions and mental state become less problematic, you will find yourself more able to participate in the full spectrum of activity, no longer overcompensating for any perceived weaknesses or coping in unhelpful ways. 

As a therapist who has many years of experience working with men, I am familiar with many of the challenges of helping you open up and having those nuanced discussions about what it means to be a man. Together, we’ll update your view of yourself as complex, courageous, and resilient rather than the descriptions we normally associate with manhood that are limiting. 

Therapy with me can help you to find the missing balance in your life, and help life on all fronts run more smoothly. There is no weakness in asking for support or even just talking out the stresses of your life with someone trained to help. Connect with me today to get started. 

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For more information on men’s mental health and how therapy may help with depression, substance use, or relationships, visit us at www.havenfamilytherapy.com