5 Minutes a Day to a Stronger Relationship: Quick Tips for Busy Couples
You’re rushing out the door, ready for work. You’ve got your laptop, your phone, your coffee. You’ve dressed for the day, prepared to take on your morning commute. You’re already thinking ahead: the morning meeting, your project check-in, that afternoon meeting, what’s next? Oh yes, that important call!
The door clicks shut behind you, and suddenly you wonder, did you kiss your partner goodbye? Did you even say good morning to each other? You both were so wrapped up in planning the day that you missed the present moment and actual eye contact.
You’re noticing that you aren’t connecting as deeply as you used to. You want to make time for your partner, and you know they want to do the same for you, but you’re both driven, active people. You worry, do couples who are busy always grow apart? You cheer each other on in your accomplishments, but how can you stay close when you’re both pulled in so many directions?
How do busy couples make it work?
Even when you have no time, investing in your relationship is possible. Couples who are busy can still have deep, lasting love and connection to each other. Quality is often much more important than quantity when it comes to connection. If you prioritize being present with your partner when you spend moments with them, they become richer and more meaningful to both of you.
You are busy people, and burnout is always a risk. You want to spend more time together and know your relationship is a priority, but how can you strengthen your relationship without burning out entirely in the process? Making grand plans and huge commitments sounds nice, but comes with the potential to burn out on connecting at all, which can hurt your relationship in the long run. What can you both do to improve things in a balanced way?
Reading this list together is a great way to strengthen your relationship with brief, meaningful interactions. Grab your partner, settle in, and read on to see where you can go together when you make your moments meaningful.
Ways that couples can connect
Workshop how you talk to each other
When you communicate with your partner, do you both truly connect? Consider trying out the GIVE communication skill and see where it takes you.
When you talk to each other, are you Gentle in your communication, speaking to each other kindly and respectfully, with neutral body language and without attacks or blame?
Do you each act Interested, paying attention to what the other is saying?
Do you Validate each other, showing you understand what the other is saying, by asking follow-up questions to increase understanding?
Do you approach each other in an Easy manner, with some humor and warmth, even in challenging conversations?
The GIVE method can radically change your communication, deepening your connections even when brief. Couples who are busy can still give each other the attention they deserve, and the GIVE method helps make that happen.
Tell your partner what you like about them regularly
Do they look good in those jeans? Do you enjoy how they smile when talking about something they love? Does it mean a lot to you that they make your coffee, do that chore you hate, or pick up takeout for the both of you? Tell them!
Tell your partner regularly each time it comes to mind for you. This expression of interest and gratitude connects you to your partner and shows them they're appreciated and cared for. Your partner may follow your lead and start expressing their appreciation for you, too, but you don't have to wait; you can let them know you'd like to start expressing gratitude toward each other. Direct communication here can boost your connection, and these brief moments of appreciation can build a foundation of mutual love and respect.
Connect to each other instead of screens
“Phubbing”, or ignoring someone so you can focus on your smartphone, is an ongoing issue for a lot of couples. Set aside a few evenings a week to unplug and tune into each other instead, even if just for an hour or two. Talk like you used to when you were getting to know each other. Share hopes and dreams, laugh together, make plans, and remember old times. Your connection to each other has endured because you care, and setting aside the devices to reconnect can remind you both that you are the priority.
Connect via text
Didn’t I just say put the phones down? I did, but as your phone, laptop, or computer are part of your everyday life, you can integrate your partner into that connectivity. Shoot them a text when you’re thinking of them. Tell them a funny story you heard, or share an article or Instagram post you liked. Tell them something you like about them, or bring up something you’d like to plan with them, like a trip or an activity. Couples who are busy can leverage technology to keep the spark going.
Make mealtime your time together
Everybody has to eat, and connecting over food has been an integral part of being human for ages. Have you and your partner drifted into a routine of grabbing meals separately or zoning out on the couch when you eat together?
Try a different way, even just one night a week. Cook a meal together. Plan a meal you’d both enjoy or try something you’ve never tried before. Put on some music and make it a party. Learn new kitchen skills, help each other with the tricky parts, and laugh your way through the mistakes. Sit down and eat the meal you made together. You don’t have to do anything fancy for your relationship to grow from this simple way to show each other you care.
Tap into touch for a connection
Physical intimacy extends far beyond the bedroom. Small touches of comfort and kindness can connect you, even through hectic days. Kisses, hugs, hand holding, shoulder squeezes, sitting close, casually resting a hand on your partner's knee. These touches connect you and show your investment and closeness to your partner. Put it at the forefront of your mind to communicate with touch and see how connected you feel over time. A touch from those we trust and love releases relaxing hormones like oxytocin that build your connection with your partner while also helping you feel rested, comfortable, and happy.
Make date night a top scheduling priority
For two people who are so connected to their schedules, it can be imperative to schedule time as a couple, especially if kids take most of your spare time. It might not feel romantic, and you might yearn for the days of spontaneity, but that’s not where you are as a couple right now. In place of hoping for the best with last-minute plans, make date night a top scheduling priority. Pick a regular day of the week to romance each other, and deliberately block it out.
Plan your fun ahead of time so you’re not stuck staring at each other with the dreaded “What do you want for dinner?” question. Pick new restaurants, look for local events, and check out movies or concerts you might both enjoy. Look ahead to events you might enjoy together, and make it a team effort to keep your date nights fresh. You can trade off the responsibility of planning date nights or even keep a shared spreadsheet you regularly update with new ideas.
Find ways to show each other your love
Actions do indeed speak louder than words, especially in a relationship. Researchers have shown that actions are a more authentic indication of love than words. Are there thoughtful actions you can take to make your partner feel appreciated? Perhaps something like taking on a weekly errand or leaving love notes on the bathroom mirror? Do they appreciate hand-holding or cuddles? Can you show them you were thinking about them by finding an activity you know they’d love together or tracking down their favorite takeout for dinner?
If you find yourself guessing what would mean the most to your partner, set aside some time to talk to each other about what makes you feel appreciated. Frame it as a way to understand each other, not a complaint or correction; you’re both looking to know and love each other in ways that make you truly happy together.
Give therapy a try
Relationships don’t have to be in crisis for therapy to be worthwhile. Even if your partner won’t join you, setting aside time each week to work through how you’d like to be intentional in your relationship can help you grow as a couple. Couples who are busy benefit when both partners still take the time to work through their relational issues—especially with the support and guidance of a therapist.
If you want to strengthen your relationship but have a reluctant partner, consider coming in for individual therapy sessions in Florida with Haven Family Therapy. Connect with me today to see how I can help you connect deeper despite the demanding expectations of life.
